Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself… even after I told her not to. “Clarissa,” I said, “don’t buy the flowers, you’ll fuck it up.”
"Why? How?" She asked me.
I rolled my eyes. And I mean I ROLLED those guys. I swear to God I even made eye contact with my brain at one point. I can’t confirm that, but just know it was intense. Then I rolled them a second time because my back was turned to her the first time and I really wanted her to see. I was giving myself a foot bath in the tub and she was in the doorway behind me. When my eyes recovered from the roll they landed on her face which was expressionless. She didn’t seem to get it. To further mock her and make my point I let my tongue hang out the side of my mouth and mimed jacking off my dick. Again, she was still. This was certainly not the reaction I was hoping for. I wanted her to cry. Or go away. Hopefully both. She just stood there waiting for an answer. So I gave her one.
"You’ll buy the wrong kind of flowers, or too many, or not enough. I just don’t trust you. Let me finish washing my for-Christ’s-sake feet and then we can go into town together and both pick out the flowers. Okay?"
She stared blankly at me while I tried to assert my dominance by staring right back. At first I felt like I still wasn’t getting to her but then I realized her non-reaction was in itself very much a bold reaction. I turned away from her, muttering curses against her fat face under my breath. Things like “fuck your fat face,” and “curse your fat face to Hell,” and “face-fat fat-face piece of shit.” I can’t remember my exact words as this happened in 1978 and I was, as I mentioned in an earlier draft of this story but have since omitted, very high.
Once my feet were clean, I put on my coat and made my way to the kitchen where I expected to find Clarissa waiting for me. She wasn’t there though. She’d already gone out. She bought the flowers herself and she picked the wrong ones. The party was ruined, this country is a joke, and we’re all gonna die. All in all, it was a very good day.
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